Why Today's Achievers Are Choosing Experiences Over Mortgages.

The New American Dream Has a Passport

Photo by Ian MacDonald on Unsplash

So when are you buying a house?

If you're in your 30s or 40s, you've probably fielded this question from well-meaning relatives at every holiday gathering. I certainly did. And for years, I gave the expected answer:

"I'm saving for a down payment," or "Just waiting for the right market timing."

I bought my first condo for $188,000 in 2007, a few years after college. I did everything right and followed the playbook handed down through generations: degree, job, home. Box checked, achievement unlocked.

But something interesting has happened since then. More and more of us are looking at that traditional checklist and asking, "Says who?"

What We're Really Looking For

Remember that feeling you were promised when you finally got your own place? That sense of "I've made it" and "Now my life can truly begin"?

For our parents' generation, a home represented stability and safety in an unstable world. It meant putting down roots, building equity, and having something tangible to show for years of hard work. A home was a fortress—a safe haven where you could protect your family from economic uncertainty.

But here's the reality many of us have discovered in today's economy: signing a mortgage doesn't automatically deliver that feeling of safety anymore. With volatile job markets, rising property taxes, and unpredictable housing values, that 30-year commitment can sometimes feel more risky than protective. Sometimes, a mortgage delivers... more anxiety.

As my friend Michelle put it after selling the home, she'd stretched to buy: "I realized I was working to pay for a house I was barely in because I was always working. The math stopped making sense, emotionally and financially."

She's not alone. When I talk with other professionals in our community, I hear the same themes repeatedly:

"I spent six figures on a down payment for a condo that feels more like a storage unit than a home."

"I'm tied to a job I've outgrown because I can't afford to take a career risk with my mortgage."

"We bought in a 'good school district,' but our kids are stressed and overscheduled, and so are we."

What we're really searching for isn't the deed to a property. It's freedom. Security. Meaningful experiences. Connection. Purpose.

And increasingly, we're finding those things require mobility, not rootedness.

The Numbers Don't Lie (But They Might Mislead)

Let's talk money because that's where the "you must buy" argument usually starts.

"Renting is throwing money away!" It's the battle cry of real estate agents everywhere.

Except... is it really?

A recent Business Insider article by Kevin L. Matthews II breaks down a fascinating comparison that challenges this conventional wisdom. Here's the eye-opening math:

A couple purchased a $400,000 home in 2021. Assuming a 4% appreciation rate (the historical average), in 30 years, their home would be worth $1.3 million—a profit of $900,000 on paper.

But that calculation misses crucial costs:

• The actual amount paid over 30 years, including interest, mortgage insurance, and loan costs: $562,400

• Estimated maintenance costs (using the conservative 1% rule): $120,000

• Not counting major replacements like HVAC systems or remodeling projects

These expenses total $682,400, reducing the actual profit to $617,000.

Now, here's where it gets interesting. If that same couple had instead:

• Invested their $41,000 down payment and closing costs in the S&P 500

• Added the $4,000 annual maintenance costs they're saving as renters

• Let it grow for 30 years

They could have accumulated over $2 million, with a profit of $1.8 million—nearly triple the homeowner's return.

Of course, this example assumes consistent investing discipline and doesn't account for rent increases. But it powerfully illustrates how "throwing money away on rent" can be a strategic financial choice that frees up capital for potentially greater returns.

When I moved to Copenhagen with my family, I faced a steep learning curve about different financial equations. Here's what I discovered:

In America, I was "building equity" through my mortgage, but I was also:

• Paying about $7,000 annually in property taxes

• Spending nearly $3,000 a year on homeowners insurance

• Setting aside $5,000 yearly for maintenance and unexpected repairs

• Committing thousands in interest to the bank

Meanwhile, in Denmark:

• Our childcare costs plummeted to about $650 monthly for TWO children

• Healthcare expenses? Essentially zero

• Quality of education? World-class without private school tuition

• Time with family? Abundant, thanks to different work expectations

Add it all up, and the financial "wisdom" I'd always believed started looking shaky.

As Melissa, who moved her family from Seattle to Portugal, told me: "We ran the numbers obsessively before making the leap. Five years in, we've saved more money renting abroad than we would have built-in equity at home—while giving our kid’s experiences most people save for retirement."

But What About Building Wealth?

This is where the conversation usually gets serious. "But real estate builds wealth!" Historically, it has—for some people, in some markets, during some time periods.

But it's not the only path.

Consider these alternative wealth-building strategies that don't require sacrificing your mobility:

1. Investing the difference. The gap between renting and the total cost of homeownership (mortgage, taxes, insurance, maintenance) can be substantial, especially in high-cost areas. Investing that difference in a diversified portfolio has outperformed real estate in many markets.

2. Building location-independent income. Whether through remote work, online businesses, or consulting, creating income streams that travel with you can build more wealth and security than a fixed asset in one location.

3. Investing in yourself. The skills and adaptability you develop living across cultures have tangible market value. Many expats report significant income increases after adding international experience to their resumes.

4. Strategic real estate plays abroad. Some countries offer property investments at a fraction of U.S. costs, with comparable or better appreciation potential.

The Permission to Want Different Things

"But what will people think?"

This unspoken question holds so many of us back. We worry we'll be seen as irresponsible, uncommitted, or perpetually immature if we don't follow the traditional path.

I felt that weight when we first considered moving abroad. Would our families think we were running away from responsibilities? Would friends drift away?

What I've learned—and so many in our community have discovered—is that most of that fear lives in our minds.

When I finally started telling people about our plans to move, I was surprised by how many said, "I wish I could do that," rather than, "Why would you do that?"

The truth is, what looks like security to one person feels like a trap to another. What seems like roots to some feels like chains to others.

Neither perspective is wrong. They're just different.

What Home Really Means

"So we don't need a home?" you might be thinking. That's not my point at all.

We all need a home. We don't all need a mortgage.

Home is where your children feel safe, where you reconnect with your partner, where you can exhale fully and be yourself.

For some, that means a house with a yard in the suburbs. For others, it's a series of apartments across different countries, each one teaching your family something new about the world and yourselves.

As Emma, who's raised three children while living in four different countries, explained: "Home isn't our address. It's our family rituals—Friday movie nights, Saturday morning pancakes, bedtime stories. We bring those constants with us everywhere, and that's what creates 'home' for our kids."

Taking the First Step

You're not alone if you're nodding along but feeling overwhelmed at the thought of such a dramatic change.

No one suggests selling your house tomorrow and buying one-way tickets abroad with no plan. (Although some have done exactly that and thrived!)

Instead, consider these manageable first steps:

1. Question the assumptions. Next time you catch yourself thinking "I should..." about your living situation, ask yourself: "Says who? And what am I really trying to accomplish?"

2. Calculate the real costs. Honestly, account for what homeownership costs you financially and in terms of time, freedom, and opportunities.

3. Test-drive alternatives. Rent an Airbnb in a potential destination for a month. Work remotely for a short period. Try before you commit.

4. Connect with others on similar journeys. Nothing normalizes the unconventional, like meeting others already living it successfully.

The Choice Is Yours

The point isn't that homeownership is bad or wrong. For some people, in some circumstances, it remains a wonderful option.

The point is that it's a choice, not a necessity or a requirement for adult success.

The real American Dream was never about a specific address. It was about the freedom to design a life that brings you fulfillment, security, and possibility.

Sometimes, that means putting down deep roots in one special place.

And sometimes, it means spreading those roots across borders, cultures, and experiences—raising children who are at home not just in one neighborhood but in the world.

Either way, you get to decide. Not your parents, not society's expectations, not outdated financial "rules." You.

What dream will your passport take you to?

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Are you questioning traditional paths to success and security? Are you curious about how others have redefined their American Dream across borders? Subscribe to Your Expat Life and join our community, where families share their journeys toward freedom, cultural discovery, and purpose beyond conventional expectations. Engage in the conversation and connect with others who understand this transition.