How Overworking Became My Coping Mechanism and How I Broke Free
Identifying Triggers, Setting Boundaries, and Embracing Resilience
As a woman over 40 who puts herself last after my career, kids, and everything else, I know the struggle too well. Overworking and chasing external achievements can feel like a way to cope, but let's challenge that thinking.
You can't outrun or ignore the emotions or the anger you hold within. I learned this the hard way when I found myself burnt out and unfulfilled despite the outward success of running a digital agency that generated over $5M in revenue.
Instead of trying to control everything by working harder, I decided to slow down and be present in my everyday life. This shift allowed me to connect with my emotions and prioritize self-care. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary.
Letting go of the need for constant control doesn't mean you're failing; it means you're choosing to prioritize your well-being.
Remember, success isn't just about external achievements—it's also about internal peace and fulfillment.
The first step to breaking the cycle of overworking is identifying your coping mechanisms.
The Best Way to Identify Your Coping Mechanisms
Overworking is one of the most common coping mechanisms for many women over 40. This often happens when you feel triggered by emotions such as loneliness, anger, or sadness. Here’s how you can identify if overworking is your coping mechanism:
Reflect on Your Reactions: Notice when you turn to work. Is it when you’re feeling particularly stressed or upset? Do you bury yourself behind your screen and start working on tasks that weren't even on your to-do list for the day?
Identify the Triggers: Pay attention to what triggers this behavior. For me, it was the feeling of loneliness, both before and during the early days of my marriage. Instead of confronting these emotions, I buried myself in work to avoid dealing with the unhappiness inside.
Differentiate from High Achievement: Understand that this is different from being a high achiever. Overworking as a coping mechanism is about avoidance. It’s about running away from emotions rather than striving towards a goal.
3 Tips for Breaking Your Overworking Cycle
1. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is crucial for protecting your time and energy.
Learn to say no without guilt and prioritize activities aligning with your goals and well-being. Think of it as installing a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on your life—sometimes, you need some “me time” without interruptions.
This skill helps prevent burnout and ensures you have the resources to invest in what truly matters to you.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself.
Women often criticize themselves harshly for not being perfect in every role. Self-compassion involves acknowledging your efforts, understanding that mistakes are part of growth, and treating yourself with the same kindness you extend to others. Remember, even Wonder Woman needs a day off sometimes!
This mindset shift helps you recover from setbacks faster and maintain a positive outlook.
3. Embrace Resilience
Developing resilience means building the ability to bounce back from adversity.
Life is full of unexpected challenges, and resilience helps you navigate these difficulties without losing sight of your goals. It involves cultivating a growth mindset, seeking support when needed, and learning from each experience to become stronger.
Consider it your inner superpower that kicks in when the going gets tough.
Let's start a conversation about real success. How do you prioritize your well-being? Share your thoughts below. 💬👇